The days between Christmas and New Year’s often come with a strange pressure. The year isn’t over, but we’re already being told how to “fix” the next one. New Year’s resolutions start circulating—grand, intense, all-or-nothing plans that promise transformation by sheer force of will.
And every year, many people quietly decide they “just aren’t disciplined enough” when those resolutions fall apart.
From a therapeutic perspective, this isn’t a motivation problem. It’s a design problem.
Interestingly, the same pattern shows up in how people sometimes approach Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) for OCD—especially when they’ve experienced that ERP “didn’t work for them.”
Let’s look at why both resolutions and over-the-top ERP tend to fail—and what actually leads to long-term change.
The Problem with New Year’s Resolutions
Most New Year’s resolutions share a few defining features:
- They’re dramatic (“I’ll completely change my routine”)
- They’re immediate (“Starting January 1st”)
- They assume motivation will remain constant (“This will feel just as important on February 1/June 1/ August 1 as it does now!”)
- They focus on outcome rather than process (“I’ll lose 50 pounds” NOT how those pounds will be lost)
Examples of resolutions include:
- Running a marathon with no prior training, tomorrow
- Completely eliminating anxiety, junk food, or screen time forever
- Becoming perfectly consistent overnight with whatever the resolution is
These goals aren’t just ambitious—they’re disconnected from how behavior change actually works. When the resolution collapses (as most do), the conclusion is often: “I failed.”
But the reality is: The plan failed to match human capacity.
How This Mirrors Over-the-Top ERP
The same logic appears when people try ERP once and leave believing: “ERP doesn’t work for me.” Often what actually happened was:
- The exposure was too intense (you launched to the top of your fear ladder without any practice up front)
- There was no groundwork (you didn’t do the psychoeducation needed to understand what the exposure response prevention process even looks like)
- The response prevention was absolute and rigid (no rituals allowed!)
- The person felt flooded, unsafe, or emotionally overwhelmed due to other factors COMBINED with some of the above!
Doing ERP this way is like attempting to run 26 miles on day one—and then deciding running “isn’t for you.” ERP isn’t ineffective because it’s too gentle. It’s ineffective when it’s treated like a shock-and-awe intervention instead of a skill-based practice.
ERP Is Not a One-Time Event — It’s a Lifestyle
ERP works best when it’s lived, not when it’s treated like a single test of bravery.
An ERP lifestyle means:
- Regularly allowing discomfort instead of avoiding it
- Practicing response prevention in small, meaningful ways
- Building tolerance over time rather than chasing “big wins”
- Accepting uncertainty as part of daily life
When ERP is integrated this way, you slowly build the flexibility and resilience needed to handle larger exposures—including the ones you didn’t plan for.
Just like with fitness:
- You don’t train for a marathon by running one immediately
- You build endurance through consistency with training
- You learn how to set and change your pacing to meet your goals
- You understand the importance of recovery in the training cycle
Over time, the “over the top” challenges become manageable because your baseline capacity has changed.
Why Big ERP Attempts Often Backfire
When ERP is approached like a resolution—“I’ll face my worst fear and never do compulsions again”—several things tend to happen:
- Anxiety spikes beyond what’s workable
- The nervous system goes into threat mode
- Compulsions rebound more strongly
- Shame and discouragement increase
That experience doesn’t mean ERP failed. It means the dose was wrong.
Sustainable ERP focuses on:
- Skills > heroics
- Repetition > intensity
- Learning > proving something
What Sustainable Change Actually Looks Like
Whether we’re talking about OCD treatment or life goals, lasting change comes from:
- Smaller, repeatable actions
- A realistic understanding of capacity
- Expecting discomfort without demanding perfection
- Building consistency rather than chasing transformation
This applies to:
- Mental health
- Fitness
- Relationships
- Behavior change of any kind
Over time, these small efforts accumulate into meaningful progress—without requiring burnout or collapse first.
A Different Way to Think About the New Year
As the year closes, it may help to release the idea that January needs to come with a dramatic overhaul.
Instead of resolutions, consider:
- What patterns do I want to practice more consistently?
- Where can I allow discomfort without forcing it?
- What would “training” look like rather than “proving”?
Just like ERP, healthy change works best when it’s built into everyday life—not rushed in the name of a fresh start.
Support for Long-Term Change
At COA, we specialize exclusively in treating OCD and anxiety-related disorders using evidence-based approaches, including Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). We help clients build ERP as a sustainable, livable practice—not a one-time attempt to “beat” anxiety.
If your past experiences with ERP or change itself have felt overwhelming or discouraging, it doesn’t mean you failed. More often, it means the plan didn’t match how real, lasting progress actually happens.
The new year doesn’t require reinvention—just a more workable way forward. We’re here to support you in starting and maintaining therapy when you’re ready to approach it as a gradual, consistent process. And it’s also okay if this season is more about reflection than action. Therapy works best when there’s room for patience, follow-through, and steady effort over time.