Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: ACTing the way you want to, not the way OCD wants you to

Posted on by Maria Mellon, LCSW

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a common therapeutic modality used alongside Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) to increase motivation, shape how exposures are designed to feel more meaningful, and to help work towards acceptance of uncomfortable feelings versus simply tolerating them. ACT focuses on learning how to make room for difficult thoughts, feelings, urges, and sensations without letting them control your behavior or pull you away from the life you want to live. Rather than trying to eliminate anxiety, uncertainty, or intrusive thoughts, ACT encourages individuals to notice these experiences, respond with openness and flexibility, and continue taking steps toward what truly matters to them.

You may think to yourself, “This sounds great, but as a client what can I actually do to apply this for myself?” Well keep reading if you want to find out!

#1. Ask Questions and Learn More

If you are already in therapy for OCD or an anxiety-related disorder, your therapist might be able to help you with this. Most clinicians at The Center for OCD and Anxiety are trained in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and provide education and tools tailored specifically to you and your treatment. Ask your therapist!

Example questions:

  • “I read about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and feel like it might be something that can be helpful. Are you trained in ACT and can we start adding it into my sessions?”
  • “Are you familiar with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy? If so, I was thinking I would want to try it. Do you think it would be helpful for me?”

#2. Practice Acceptance

This can be a tough one! When we talk about acceptance in ACT, we are not saying you have to like your anxiety, intrusive thoughts, or uncomfortable feelings. Acceptance means allowing those internal experiences to be present without fighting, avoiding, or trying to immediately “fix” them.

Instead of saying:

  • “I need this feeling to go away right now,”

Try:

  • “I don’t like this feeling, but I can make space for it while still doing what matters to me.”

Acceptance often looks like:

  • Letting anxiety come along for the ride
  • Allowing uncertainty to exist without needing immediate reassurance
  • Noticing discomfort without engaging in compulsions or avoidance
  • Choosing to stay present even when your brain is yelling at you to escape

#3. Separate From the Thought

ACT teaches a skill called cognitive defusion, which means learning to separate yourself from your thoughts rather than treating every thought like a fact or emergency. Thoughts are not commands, predictions, or truths just because they show up.

For example, instead of saying:

  • “Something bad is definitely going to happen,”

Try:

  • “I am having the thought that something bad might happen.”

This small shift can help create distance between you and the thought, making it easier to respond intentionally instead of automatically reacting with compulsions, reassurance seeking, or avoidance.

Some helpful defusion strategies include:

  • Singing the thought in a silly voice
  • Repeating the thought slowly until it loses meaning
  • Imagining the thought floating by like a cloud or leaf on a stream
  • Thanking your brain for trying to protect you

#4. What Matters to You?

A huge part of ACT is identifying your values. Values are different from goals. Goals can be completed, but values are ongoing directions you want your life to move toward.

Examples of values may include:

  • Being a caring friend or parent
  • Building meaningful relationships
  • Creativity
  • Honesty
  • Adventure
  • Growth
  • Independence
  • Faith or spirituality
  • Helping others

When OCD and anxiety take over, life can become centered around fear reduction and safety seeking. ACT helps shift the focus back toward building a meaningful life, even when anxiety is present.

Ask yourself:

  • “What kind of person do I want to be?”
  • “What do I want my life to stand for?”
  • “If fear was not in charge, what would I spend more time doing?”

#5. Committed Action

Committed action means taking steps toward your values, even when uncomfortable thoughts and feelings show up. This does not mean being fearless. It means learning how to move forward while making room for discomfort.

Examples of committed action might include:

  • Going to school even when anxiety is present
  • Spending time with friends despite intrusive thoughts
  • Completing an ERP exercise aligned with your values
  • Setting boundaries and speaking honestly
  • Trying something new even if your brain says “what if?”

Small steps count. ACT is not about perfection, it’s about practicing flexibility, willingness, and movement toward the life you want to live.

At the end of the day, ACT helps teach us that difficult thoughts and feelings are part of being human. Instead of waiting to feel perfectly comfortable before living your life, ACT encourages you to begin living alongside discomfort while staying connected to what matters most.

Disclaimer: This information is educational only and is not a replacement for therapy or medical advice. For individualized support, please consult a licensed mental health professional. Portions of this blog are from The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris.